Day 1

Wow, that title sounds ominous.  Day 1 out of how many days? Weeks? Months?  I won't go any farther because my poor mind cannot handle the thought of YEARS.  I haven't told a single person that I am starting this journey.  Why?  Because it will be the millionth (or is it billionth?) time I've made this goal.  And I have never been successful. Ever.  Never ever in 27 years have I lost more than 20 pounds and kept it off for any length of time.  Even that would be an accomplishment, though I hope to lose much more than 20 pounds! 

So, if I am setting out yet again, what can I do to ensure this time is different?  Honestly, I have no clue.  One of the things I tell myself over and over again is that I can only fail if I give up, so I refuse to quit.  Eventually it has to work, right?  If I keep trying, keep adjusting, keep getting back up, then eventually I will have a success story.  Or so I hope.

I have read so many articles, books, and blogs about how to lose weight.  Seriously, I am considered obese, yet I could probably write a weight loss book with all the facts I have floating around in my head.  BMR, BMI, calories in vs. calories out, cardio vs. strength training, low carb vs. low-fat, paleo diets, South Beach diet, vegan, gluten free, on and on goes the vast amount of ultimately USELESS knowledge I have.  And none of it has ever helped me lose anything!

Why?  Because of me.  I am so flawed, so frustrating, so fickle in my efforts and therefore I have nothing to show for the hundreds of hours I have spent studying this very subject.  There can be nothing more discouraging on this earth than our human nature.  It refuses to cooperate, and I have yet to develop the strength the override it.

Well, I am done.  I am done being a slave to my appetite.  I am done being a slave to my laziness.  I am done being content to be discontent, being satisfied in my dissatisfaction.  Something has got to change, and I know that something is ME.  I am letting go of the things that are behind me and pressing onward to my goal. 

No longer will I view myself as a failure, as the girl who has hated her reflection for almost 3 decades yet has never changed it.  I am starting fresh and viewing myself and a work in progress, as a girl who is determined to never give up, as a success-in-the-making!  I will overcome this.  Period.  I will learn how to eat without gorging myself, incorporate fitness into my every day life, cook without extra calories, indulge without binging, and how to pass everything I learn, everything I gain. along to my children so they never have to face a day like today- a Day 1.